March 5th, 2006

Current Music: Im in love with a STRIPPER! Time: 10:43 pm Current Mood: bouncy

Wow! How time flies by. So much has happened, but yet again, so much has not. Things are still confusing, I wont lie. Things are really confusing now that a certain guy that walked out of my life, I thought for good, has come back and I honestly dont know my feeling for him. Maybe they are real. Then again maybe they are not. We had coffee and it was good. I loved spending that time together with him and getting to know him all over again. However, I have made more of attempt to see him this weekend than i prolly should have. 2 unanswered phone calls without an intent of calling back would normally upset the shit outta me. But Im okay. It's okay. Im pretty sure I just want to be his friend. The feelings for otherwise are not there. On the other hand, there is a guy, that I have completely fallen head over heels for. I think he knows. I feel like its this huge secret because only Ashley knows who I am talking about and exactly how weak in the knees i get. Yes, AShley, you do know!! Look at the pictures!! ;) Yes, but he's perfect. So hopefully things will go well in that department. very well, if i say so. but im not holding my breathe. I never do anymore. I learned that. I don't hope, I don't wish, I simply let life play out in my hands. God knows what is best for me and He won't let me have anything less. Went up to NIU a couple weekends ago and just got the pics developed. LOVE them! I wanna go back so bad. My dad and i were talking and he asked me how much tuition is there.....soooo just maybe I will get to go there and room with the COOLEST CHICK ON THIS FLIPPIN EARTH!! How cool would that be? Yes. Im excited. I hope things work out. And I looked up transfer information and so far, it looks GOOD!!! So I may be transferring to NIU soon! but not soon enough!! Everything else has been....ehh. Im on a medication now that keeps me up ALL the time. I hate it but I love it too. If you knew me before I was on this, you know sleep was important to me. And me getting less than 8 hours made me a crabby bitch. But with this medication I get a max of 5 hrs a sleep a night. I cant fall asleep before 3am even tho I try like hell and I wake up at the crack of dawn. This past week, I havent had my alarm set at all and I have been getting up 20 minutes early with enough energy to last me the entire week! This is how college students get it done, I guess. Classes have been going well, speaking of which. Nothing really new there. I think that's all for now. Just letting you guys know I'm still alive. And that life seriously ROCKS! k. love me :)

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February 2nd, 2006

Current Music: All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret Time: 11:30 am Current Mood: depressed

these past couple days have been hard. i dont know why either. ive been really weak, in a sense. i got really weak last night and called him. i dont know why i did. i knew he wouldnt answer and he wont call me back for a couple days. but for some odd reason, im okay with that. i guess i just wanna see how he is doing. i guess. i dont know. ive been in a really wierd mood lately. but im okay with how everything is going now. i am. im single...well kinda. and im fine. ive been crazy lately. having a blast with aubrie, amanda, and most of all emily! gosh. i would be a complete wreck without her. i dont even wanna know what i would be like. i just miss him...a lot. but i will be okay. once robert and i get to hang out all the time again. our schedules clash a lot and thats not cool. i think that gets me depressed in a sense. i like being at work lately because i dont think about it. or anything really. except all the diets. i have to work today and im kinda excited to go in. how sad. we have some family issues. i hate to be the bad guy but my mom has a lot of shit to put up with and doesnt need to worry about anything else right now. just her cancer and getting better. so i snapped and in a sense i feel bad but then again i dont. my mom cant do it all and they need to realize that. shes going through enough shit. i dont like it when my mom calls me crying because of what someone has said to her and if you know me at all, you know i would do anything for that woman. so yeah. drama to say the least. i hope my cold goes away soon. im sick of breathing thru my mouth. it chaps my lips like no other! ive been in a HUGE quote mood lately one day you'll wake up and realize that you really do love her and she'll be waking up to the one who already knew. life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said that it'd be easy they just promised it would be worth it. FOR my EmIlY... in 10 years there's no way in hell we'll remember all the boys we got with; all the girls we hated or how many crazy rules we broke; just that we did it all together! we can chill all day & still end up talking on the phone all night. you never see one of us without the other. wear a cute outfit she'll smile and call you a slut. i pick up a cookie and she tells me to put it down and look at my butt. we can laugh until we cry even if it's not that funny. we're best friends forever and always together! it's the days we're so crazy people think we're drunk, the times we're so bored we laugh until we cry, all the inside jokes and "remember whens" these are all the reasons we'll always be best friends. we rock with out BIG sunglasses & ripped jeans with our popped collar polo shirts that go along with our whatever attitudes! so yeah. laundry is calling my name.

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January 22nd, 2006

Current Music: What's Love? - J.Lo Subject: Sunny Days.... Time: 12:43 pm Current Mood: chipper

Yo yo yo!!! What up?! yeah, so life is good. i love when life is good to me. it makes me feel tingly inside. i need to be working on a paper. its not due until feb something but i want to get an early start on it so i dont forget and become pressured. im determined to get a 3.5 this semester. and damnit im gonna do it. i know i can. i just have to apply myself and put partying on the back burner! boo. last night was fun. i babysat abby, ella and blake. amy and brad bought me and emily some strawberry daquiri mix. yay!! they were soooo good. so we downed those while we babysat. abby asked what it was and i told her it was a slushie then of course she wanted one. but luckily it was close to her bedtime so that saved me :) i got a new phone. and im in love with it. it makes me happy when it rings. and i know whos calling just by the ring and i can dance while someone is calling me. yeah ive caught myself a couple times :) im a dork. i just love life right now. im having fun and i dont give a shit about anything! i snapped on josh and i dont think we will be talking anymore. which is eh, its prolly for the best. plus i have a new number and he doesnt know it so good luck to him. he pulled some childish bullshit and im not going to put up with it because for one, i dont have to. i have too many other things going on. aka my mom, my family, my brothers wedding :), my friends and most importantly SCHOOL!! im determined to go away to college in the spring. im looking at western. mom and i are gonna go visit their campus this summer i think. im getting really excited. im ready for the whole "college experience" icc is boring now and reminds me of high school. speaking of which, a bunch of people have contacted me through myspace that i went to hs with and then they moved away. it makes me happy when they message me and we talk about old times. stupid shit we used to do as freshman and thinkin we were cool. yeah haha1!! we are actually talking about that in child development now! haha! how ironic. i havent seen robert for a couple days. that makes me sad. i miss him. hes a gag and can always keep me laughing :) i love that. i think thats so hot in a guy. if you can make me laugh until my stomach hurts then you are my weakness. and lemme tell you, i never stop laughing when im with robert. what a great guy. ok. ella can say "Meggie" now!!!! i was so excited! haha!!! shes so cute and is growing up wayyyy too fast. well im gonna go work on some homework then go shopping!! call me lovelies. oh yeah and if you dont have my new # then IM me or leave a comment and i will get it to you somehow!!

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January 19th, 2006

Subject: So much going on Time: 10:27 am Current Mood: good

Yeah, well i saw Jay's comment and decided i better update this thing since some things has changed. I've been so busy lately with school and everything. Here are the courses I am taking: Psychology 200 - Educational Psychology Psychology 202 - Child & Adolescent Development Theatre 111 - The fundamentals of theatre (or something like that) History 202 - American History since 1865 Yeah, im really excited about all of them except Theatre. Not really my thing at all but I needed an elective and if you know me then you know my ass sure as hell aint taking no damn art class. So yeah. Im kinda worried about that one. So if anyone wants to go to 4 plays with me, let me know!! SO yeah. this semester should keep me busy. Im only getting 20 hours at work and since i only go to class MWF 8-11:50, my schedule is really open to work so im looking for a different job. Lets say a more respectable job! So yeah, I broke up with Josh a couple days ago. He hasn't changed at all and I don't know why I thought he did. He's still the same. It really scared me tho because when we were together he was all talking about marriage and everything and to tell you the truth I was really excited and now Im glad I got out of it. I realized it's okay that I'm not married by 21. I have my whole life. I have to do things that I want to do. And I also have to find out who me is. i havent decided if im still going to talk to him and such. i really want to but as i found out the hard way, talking to him all the time doesnt help me move on or anything. So i still have a lot of thinking to do. but on the good news side. robert and i have been hanging out a lot and i love it. we have a blast when we get together! we went bowling with a bunch of people monday night and it was so much fun. just goofing off and having some good laughs. i dont think ive had that much fun for awhile! and i was actually in the mood to bowl! lol that hardly happens. :) so yeah. who knows where this thing with robert takes me or "us" but for now its just good to have someone to lean on, ya know? amy got a job at a salon and tuesday i went to visit her and got my hurr did!!! it looks soooo cute. i love it so much! i got it died back to my natural color, even though it looks darker than what i thought it was. i havent seen this color since like sophomore yr of hs!!! its been awhile! and i got it trimmed. her shop is so cute and she works with a bunch of cool people. well, i have to work today at 130 so i need to go get cleaned up and stuff. holla!

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January 2nd, 2006

Time: 11:36 pm

Happy New Year! How are you? Hope you had a great new year!! can you believe 2006 is already here? i cant. so much is going on right now, its hard to update. i had a wonderful christmas! josh was home so i spent a lot of time with him. we are back together now and i couldnt be happier. we really need that 6 months apart from each other to get things done. but meg and josh are back. and its amazing :) got a lot of cool things for christmas. too many to mention. for right now anyways. leaving for florida on thursday so im excited about that. other than that. thats about all i got right now. im tired. goodnight lovelies.

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November 16th, 2005

Current Music: keith urban -- better life Subject: I know, right? Time: 03:20 pm Current Mood: cheerful

i know. im updating. bet you didnt see that one coming? ha. now theres so much to catch up on and im not even going to cover half of it. because i dont even know where to begin. school is....school. blah. it sucks but what can ya do? i just need a break. i have 2 presentations *that i know of* left. and they are both for my american education class. its a good class. very informational. i like it. theres a lot of work but its good, busy work. if thats possible? i dont know. biology is going okay. i hate it. and i hate lab even more. but not ever many sessions left. so thats super exciting. i have a HUGE exam on friday that pretty much makes or breaks my grade so i will be studying my ass off for that. we arent supposed to take homework to work but im going to tomorrow. im there for 8 hours and that test is huge!! so screw it. im studying damnit. ummm...math is ehh. its getting really hard. like i can do it. i just have to sit there and think about it and thats not cool LOL its just time consuming i guess. i signed up for my classes. well 3 of my classes. i still have 1 more to sign up for but not sure if im going to take theatre110, sociology110, or lit110. so i have to make an appt to see my advisor. can we say its freakin cold?! its not supposed to snow until AFTER my birthday!! speaking of which is NEXT SATURDAY!! WOOT WOOT!!! :D what are ya gettin me?!?! thanksgiving is just around the corner. how exciting. i love thanksgiving. i love turkey. i love my family coming to our house and all eating together. i love watching the kids play. i love it all. man, i love the holidays. keith urban won male vocalist of the year and entertainer of the year. that was a hard toss-up between him and kenny. im glad keith got it tho. kenny has won many awards. so its keiths turn. i seriously cant wait for the concert. its just around the corner too!! yayness!! emily and i are gonna have a blast! i cant wait! thomas and i have a song! ha! its better life by keith urban. i love that song. i was listening to it over and over again. i love the words. they make so much sense to me. who knows ;) i went to lunch with tammi today after class. we went to panera. it was good. good to talk and catch up. i have a feeling we are going to be doing that a lot since emily is getting a second job and doesnt even have free time with the one job that she has! but im happy for her. im too lazy to get a second one. everyones telling me to do waitressing. i dont think i can do it. im not talented at all. lol. they are like "youll do great!" "your cute so youll make good tips!" yeahhh, okay! im getting all the pics together for lauras album. ashley and i went thru and sent each other all the copies we have. it made me cry. gosh, i miss her so much. oh and i get my car decal soon!! we are all putting ours in the same spot. i cant wait to see it. im making bbq ribs tonight for mom and dad for dinner. i hope they turn out good! yeah so this thomas boy kinda really has my heart <3 he stole it last night and wont give it back. but im not sure i want it back!

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November 14th, 2005

Current Music: Hershey meowing Subject: wasting time Time: 07:20 pm Current Mood: crappy

*Stuff* 1* First grade teacher's name: Miss Konecki 2* Last word you said: I told you!! 3* Last song you sang: Keith Urban -- Making Memories of us 4* Last person you hugged: my dad 5* Last thing you laughed at: friends on tv 6* Last time you said I dont remember: today @ class! 7* Last time you cried: with aubrie @ her apt. *PRESENT* 9* What color socks are you wearing: white 10* What's under your bed: nothin! 11* What time did you wake up today: 7:30 12* Current taste: milk 13* Current hair: brown w/ a tint of red 15* Current annoyance: I have to pee but i dont want to 16* Current longing: my birthday! :) 17* Current desktop background: me and laura :\ 18* Current worry: my american education presentation 19* Current hate: dishes 20* Current favorite article of clothing: ae jeans and my hollister sweatshirt 21* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: jeans and button up shirt...oww oww! 22* Last CD that you listened to: many burned ones 23* Favorite place to be: my room when its not so cold!! 24* Least favorite place: work 25* Time you wake up in the morning: depend on what day it is 26* If you could play an instrument, what would you play: i used to play the violin 27* Favorite color: turqouise and HOT pink 28* Do you believe in a heaven: yes 29* How tall are you: 5'6 30* Current favorite word/saying: you know? 31* Favorite book: reading Pledged right now, soo good! 33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: my grandma mitchell *FUTURE* 35* Where do you want to go for college? prolly isu 36* What is your career going to be like: I want to teach 3rd grade 37* How many kids do you want: at least 3 *HAVE YOU EVER...* 39* Said "I love you" and meant it: yes 40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: nope 41* Been to New York: nope 42* Been to Florida: yes 43* Been to California: yeah 44* Been to Hawaii: yes sir!! 45* Been to Mexico: Cabo, here we come :D 46* Been to China: nope 48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yes! *RANDOM* 52* Do you have a crush on someone: maybe ;) 53* What book are you reading now? Pledged 54* Worst feeling in the world: the feeling when someone passes away and you have so many things to say to them <-- good one jess! 55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? shower time 56* How many rings before you answer: depends on where i am and where my phone is 57* Future daughter's name: Madyson, McKenzee 58* Future son's name: Mason, Connor 59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope 60* If you could have any job you wanted what would it be: i want to be a teacher NOW!! not in 3 years! 61* Wish you were where: @ aubrie's 62* College plans: icc for now then isu (maybe) 63* Piercings: ears twice, cartilage, belly button *THE EXTRA STUFF* 64* Do you do drugs: nope 65* Do you drink: occasionally 67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Garnier Fructis 68* What are you most scared of: being alone 69* What clothes do you sleep in: my ae pj pants and t-shirt 70* Who is the last person that called you: my Aubs :) 71* Where do you want to get married: in town with all my friends & family :) 72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be? cant think of anything 73* Who do you really hate: i dont think i really HATE anyone.... 74* Been In Love: yes 75* Are you timely or always late: usually late! 76* Do you have a job: yes and cant wait to find something different 77* Do you like being around people: depends on my mood 78* Best feeling in the world: being in love 79* Are you for world peace: suuure 80* Are you a health freak: haha. thats a good one! 81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: nope not really 82* Do you want someone you don't have? yep 83* Are you lonely right now: not really. 84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: yes!! 85* Do you want to get married: of course, its only been my dream since i was like 4!! 86* Do you want kids? most definately! *IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...* 87* Cried: nope 88* Bought Something: starbucks! 89* Gotten Sick: nope 90* Sang: in my car...lol 91* Said I Love You: yeah 92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: yeah... 93* Met Someone: no 94* Moved On: nah 95* Talked To Someone: do you really think im that big of a loser?! i have friends that love me!!! 96* Had A Serious Talk: only about boys and their multiple personalities! 97* Missed Someone: yes, so so much 98* Hugged Someone: most def! 99* Yelled at Someone: damascus 100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: no dreams lately yeah so real post coming soon. maybe tomorrow. i just dont feel like posting. plus there is nothing really to post about. but this survey looked fun and it was stolen from jessica! thanks hun!!

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October 29th, 2005

Subject: How did it end up like this?! Time: 01:15 pm Current Mood: crushed

I'm going to be completely honest with you. im posting. my feelings are scattered all over right now and i honestly cant tell you what im feeling. so consider yourself warned that this entry may not make sense because my life doesnt make sense right now. first and foremost R.I.P Laura Craig <3 December 2, 1987 - October 28, 2005 you will never be forgotten. i love and miss you like crazy. i wish i could just wake up and this could all just be a dream i can't believe you were taken away from me. Yesterday, Larura was found dead in her car @ Detweiller Drive. She left a co-workers house late Thursday night but never returned home. She was reported missing and about 1:30 yesterday afternoon, her car was spotted by a hiker in Detweiller Drive. He then call police. Here's the article from WEEK 25 webiste. Oct 28, 2005 - A young woman is dead, after her car went off a road in Detweiller Park, and plunged 200-feet into a gully. The car was spotted about 1:30 this afternoon, and fire crews spent seven hours trying to retrieve the car and it's driver from the thick underbrush. 17-year-old Laura Craig was pronounced dead at the scene. Craig's car on its way into the gully had clipped a tree. There's no word on when the accident might have taken place, but a tow truck operator indicated the engine of the car was cold when he got to the scene. One of the rescue workers had to be taken from the scene after he was injured while trying to prevent a family member from getting to the car. Peoria County Coroner Johnna Ingersoll said Craig was a cross-country runner at Richwoods and that Detweiller was one of her favorite places to train. I cant stop crying. everytime i think about her or any time we spent together, cruising for guys, getting ice cream, or drinking smirnoff twisted at my house, i break down. i cant believe shes gone. my phone hasnt rung this much ever since i owned one. i still cant believe its true. mom, emily and i went to the crash site this morning after my interview. there were still little red parts from her car down there and her stepmom said there was still a lot of blood down there. we talked to her dad and stepmom. her stepmom said she has heard a lot about me and that made me smile. i miss her so much. she was such an awesome person. the greatest personality of anyone ive ever known and she could brighten anyones day just by smiling at them. she was so dedicated to soccer and cross country. it was simply her life and she loved it more than life itself. she talked about suicide often to me. she would always say things like "meaghan, i cant take it anymore. no one would even notice i was gone. no one would even care." i would always reply "laura, yes they would. i would notice and i would care. more than anything. i love you, you have to know that." now it's so hard. looking back she was so unhappy. her mother and her didnt get along at all and it seemed like things just got worse for her. i felt so bad for her but she was an awesome person to hang out with. i loved her like she was a sister to me and she will be terribly missed. i feel guilty because as she was talking to me about suicide and leaving earth, i would say "laura, you cant do that. God has you here for a reason and you can't leave everyone behind like that." She always replied with "im doing God a huge favor. I'm just helping God out." I wish i would have seen the signs so i could have gotten her help. i would do anything to have her call me from work and tell me to come see her that cookie dough was the flavor of the day at culvers. she knew that was my favorite! apparently, when she hit the curb, her car went airborne and the side of her car rubbed against a tree, tearing the bark off. then the roof of her car hit another tree, breaking it down where she then just tumbled down the rest of the ravine. im getting choked up just typing about it. this is going to be a hard thing to get over but we will. knowing that she is up there watching over us. and keeping us safe. i just hope she's happy now because thats all she wanted was to be happy. i keep going through my scrapbook and looking at all the pictures of us together. from PE to graduation to drinkin together. she had so much potential in life and so much she hasnt done. to say the least...i miss her and life will not be the same without her. on another note. my dinner date with thomas was great. we had an awesome time and we have so much in common. we were going to see a movie but they all started late and i had an interview this morning plus i wanted to get home and find out any new news on laura. but i just spent the rest of the night in my bed crying. i still cant believe it. well i guess im gonna go get ready for work. one place that i dont wanna be.

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October 24th, 2005

Current Music: haha my mom just yelled "shit" Subject: dontcha know?! Time: 07:47 pm Current Mood: hot

yeahh, so its definately been awhile. i was hoping to update this weekend but that didnt happen. so here i am. i will do a quick update just for you, my lovelys :) Soo...this weekend was crazy. its always crazy when im with amanda tho. fun times. friday went to wise guys on university. played shuffleboard and shot some pool. it was fun. there was a bunch of people out there. i was pissed because tim showed up totally stoned off his ass. so that made me unhappy. then he didnt even say like 2 words to me and then left in the middle of our game. so then some guy bought me a teddy bear "just to see me smile" so that was kinda freaky. so amanda and i left there and i went home. didnt really do anything on saturday. went to my nephews birthday party. hes already 4 years old!! awww!! it was so fun! ill post pics tomorrow. then went out to amandas. we ended up going to a party in germantown with paul, scott, & jenna. it was a lot of fun and a lot of people were there. when we got there everyone was playing quarters. they wanted me to play but meaghan doesnt do beer. so that was out then obrien came up to me and asked why i wasnt playing. when i told him i wasnt a beer drinker he asked if i drank captain and i said yes. so then he pretty much fucked me up on captain. yeah, try 6 shots in 13 minutes. i couldnt even walk to the bathroom. haha amanda had to help me everytime! haha "amanda, i need to go potty" "okay, hunny, lets go potty" so then i didnt drink the rest of the night. tim came over once he got off work. so he got there around 1. we were outside talking for a grip. i was making him feel like crap for the night before but i didnt care. im tired of putting up with guys' shit. theres not excuse for it. yeah you are sorry after but you should think about this before you do it. so i made him feel like gum on the bottom of my shoe. and frankly, im damn proud of myself for standing up for myself and putting my foot down. i should have done that 3 years ago. but better late than never i guess. then tim and i went and layed down on the floor. we fell asleep which seemed like 6 hours but was only an hour. i woke up and told tim i needed to go home so he drove me back to amandas to get my car and i finally walked in my door around 4am. i went upstairs and crashed the freak out. woke up sunday around 10:30. i hate how i can never sleep late. but maybe thats a good thing. i went to kroger for my mom while she did my laundry. i thought it was a fair deal ;) then i just layed around. took a 2 hour nap. ate dinner. and layed around some more. i loved it. i love being home, in my pjs and just being a straight out bum. :) its so nice. tim wanted me to go out to wise guys but i declined, nicely of course. i was supposed to hang out with him tonight too but i had a take-home test i had to do plus laguna was on! went to classes this morning. saw my emily for like the first time in forever. had a bio exam. that sucked. then on my break i ran into amanda and she skipped class and we went to the cafeteria to get some coffee and a bagel for me! then lacey came and sat with us so we talked the entire hour! josh called me while i was on my break and its kinda freaky how he knows when my breaks are. oh well. we talked a lot about his life and stuff. when hes coming home and whatnot. he has to choose whether to come home for christmas or new years. he doesnt get both this year so he will prolly be home for christmas. im excited. i want to see him so bad! then i was walking to class and ran into whitney! yay!! caught up with her for a bit. then went to math. uughh....tammi wasnt there. how boring. we started chapter 6 and it looks like i may have to pay attention to this chapter. :/ then went to american education. we are working in groups this week and creating a classroom design. its fun actually. im really excited because i like my group. but i left 1/2 hour early so i could take my car to the dealership to get my tires looked at. my front drivers side tire has gotten really low the past couple of days so my dad told me to take it out there. i did. turned out there was a nail in my tire!!! good thing i got it looked at! plus it was free because of my warranty! double yayness!! so im happy i got that fixed! so i drove my moms jeep to work and stuff. it was nice to drive her car for a change. my brother went out and picked up my car for me! yay!! i love my brother! i have class tomorrow. unless she cancels it....grrr.....that really irritates me. amanda and i are going early to get a cup of joe before class! yay!! haha! ok, on subject of jay now: first of all, i DO know what it's like being in your position because im in the same DAMN position as you read this. so please, dont even go there with me. i agree, my situation may be a lil bit easier but its still hard and its still the same damn concept. so dont ever tell me that i dont know how it feels! and as for not saying anything to my face, think about it jay. God created the phone for a damn reason. you could have even texted me about the damn thing. but the whole internet world knows about it before i do. and i have made efforts for you to do things with me. ohh, im not even gonna say anything because i was in a good mood when i started writing this and i plan on going to bed in a good mood. so. whatever. dude. so i think this is all. a good friend of mine, brian from icc, asked me to dinner on saturday. should be a good time because he cracks me up all the time. only bad thing -- he smokes. and thats icky.

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October 18th, 2005

Current Music: the dryer buzzing at me Time: 11:06 am Current Mood: giddy

i swear, myspace and facebook has been takin over my life! i feel like such a nerd when i sit there and comment to people. but its all good. this weekend was effing CRAZY!! omg. i dont even know where to begin. well friday we didnt have school. so emily and i went to get pedicures :) then went shopping. i bought yet another outfit from hollister. its my weakness ;) but seriously, i need to stop. im gonna get myself in a lot of trouble!! then i came home for dinner and waited for amanda's ass to wake up. so i went out and got her and we went over to her friend, paul's house. then we left there and went to the mall where we ran into james and couple of his friends. well we ended up going to a haunted house with him and a bunch of other people. i didnt wanna go at first because i wouldnt know anybody but it turns out i knew everyone except like 5 people! and there was like 15 of us there!! it was so fun. i saw sara, lauren, amy, & brittany! yayness! then we left there and went to randy's. where i met up with tim!! awww! i went to richwoods with tim!! he was my english buddy my senior year! i swear we had at least one class together every year! yeah i love that boy! he always made me laugh. well we flirted like crazy freshmen year in pe. and then sophomore year, of course, i met josh and we started dating then he hooke up with a girl named leia. so well we remained really good friends and everything but lost contact after graduation. :( but i was so hanging out with him all weekend! its freaky how God works sometimes!! so we were talking on friday night. hes like "tell me, why we never hooked up in high school?" and i replied " because i was with josh and you were with leia" so yeah lets just say he "spilled" his feelings for me and they werent what i expected at all. i never knew that he had such a crush on me all 4 years?!?!!!! how crazy!! hmm...so this puts things into perspective. so yeah we have been getting really close and its fun getting to know him again. its just wierd. i love being with him and stuff but im not sure im ready for a relationship. im having too much fun being single for now. maybe it will change sooner or later but as of right now, im fine right where im at :) speaking of relationships, jay and i are never going to have a romantic one. which is fine with me. he says i "party" too much. pfft whatever. he doesnt like the fact that im out with my friends all the time i guess. well my friends will ALWAYs come first. i made that mistake with josh when we first started dating and i lost all my friends over him and i swore i would never do that again. so if he cant understand that, then its better off just friends. plus hes still stuck up his ex-girlfriends ass anyways, and lord knows i dont need any of that. too much drama for me. so im just chillin. i dont mind being his friend and all but as for a relationship, i totally agree with him that there will never be an "us" again. plus he says shit in his livejournal and not to my face. so thats how i find out the status between us and thats not cool. i believe that you should talk to an individual before posting to the entire internet world about your and their lives. to me, thats childish and you arent thinking of the other person involved. so yeah, theres my 2 cents on that subject. so then saturday i worked 3-7 and then went out with amanda afterwards. we went out to the farm. which was a flippin blast. i have pics but only a couple because i was a lil intoxicated and forgot that amanda had my camera. so the pics are from when im sober. i know, no fun. but its okay. so yeah i was pretty gone by the end of the night. we didnt leave the farm until like 2.30am and then we all went back to pauls house and crashed. tim and i crashed on the couch until he pushed me off or i fell off then amanda helped me upstairs to a bed. called into work on sunday because i was feeling horrible with a capital H!! i didnt feel good at all. we chilled around pauls house with curl and tim then amanda and i came back to my house so i could get cleaned up. had a yelling session with my parents because i didnt do ONE thing they asked me too. but its all good now. they forgave and forgot. then we went to amandas and slept the rest of the afternoon. went to chilis for dinner then went to pauls to watch american history x with curl and tim. dumbest movie ever. i hated it. then came home and crashed because i had only gotten 7 hours of sleep the entire weekend. getting up for class yesterday was the hardest thing ive ever had to do. i havent talked to josh much latley. he called me yesterday when i was walking to class but we didnt talk long because i had to be in class. but it was good to hear his voice. hes doing well. he cant wait to come home. obviously. he misses me so thats always nice to hear. i have a math exam tomorrow and i think its going to be fairly easy. mainly because i have been payin attention in class and not chatting away with tammi. so i should do very well on it. which is a good thing. but i have a bio exam on friday that im dreading! i have so much studying to do this week. so NOT cool. my dryer is buzzing. my work clothes are done. its annoying. i am applying at various places for a second job. i need one until i get my debts paid off. if i dont get hired anywhere then i will just ask for a full-time position at methodist. no biggie but i would rather take a break from there and work some place else. plus i need to start Xmas shopping!! im so excited!! and my nephews birthday is coming up! yayness! hes gonna be 4 already! my mom is doing okay. she had a bad weekend and thats unusual for a weekend off of chemo. but she is at work and feeling better so we arent sure what caused it. im getting really excited for florida. i really cant wait. i need to just get away from here. take a vacation with my mom. it will be so nice!! okay, i need to get ready for work. bye loves <3

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October 10th, 2005

Current Music: Dontcha wish your girlfriend was HOT like me?! Subject: A quickie!! Time: 08:47 pm Current Mood: thirsty

quick update before laguna beach starts! went to class this morning. when i got there, emily and brian were talking about butts on girls. he was pointing out every girls butt apparently and saying what was wrong with them. it was horrid and i was terrified to stand up because i knew he would be looking at mine and judging it the same way, but then i saw amanda and i totally forgot about it. talked to her for a few. she wanted me to hang out with her tonight but im kinda digging this whole being a bum thing and just chillin at home in my pjs!! i like it a lot! plus laguna is on and my mom asked me today if i was going to watch it with her! ha! i have such a cool mom! :) brian tried to talk me into skippin bio but i didnt. i can afford it. we are talking about the nervous system and i really need to pay attention so i can at least get a B in that class. im glad i went tho. we started a new chapter and i would have been totally lost if i didnt show up. however, emily and i did skip math class together and went to lunch. ha she was gaggin at me because i had to go to cefcu to cash in my change! i got 30 bucks out of it! i was shocked! im gonna fill up my car with the rest of it tomorrow. came home and took a nap and watched days of our lives. that show pisses me off now. i dont like it anymore. nothing good and exciting is happening anymore. i think the whole marlena and jon thing is pissing me off the most. if you dont watch it then you dont know what im talking about and for that im sorry, you are missing out on a great show. so i must stop rambling now! sleepin on my new mattress last night was amazing!! too bad josh called and woke me up at 2am!!! how rude! just to tell me that he won in poker. i guess hes doing good. he lost control of his new car so its all dented and scratched up. he asked me what i thought of it and i told him i knew it would happen sooner or later so i dont have any comment on it. actually i thought he would do more to it than he did. ah, well. hes still got time. is that mean of me? i dont care. he should act like a responsible mature adult and shit like that wouldnt happen to him. hes too careless. oh and when we got off the phone last night he told me he loved me. i didnt know how to act to that. when i asked him about it today he says he doesnt remember saying it and didnt mean to. is that true? what do you think? i dont know what to think anymore. we havent said "i love you" to each other since june, i dont think it would just "slip" out like that but what the hell do i know, right? work was good. seven crescent kept me busy all night. but it was good. made the time go by. i really hope i get the new job. i go and turn in my app tomorrow! so keep your fingers crossed for me. im too excited! mom wrote me a 'thank you' card and signed it and put it on my pillow for when i got home from work. it was so sweet and made me cry. gosh i love her. what am i gonna do when shes gone? well, its laguna beach time so.... .....later LoVeRs~!~!!~

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October 9th, 2005

Current Music: Garth Brooks - Friends in low places Time: 09:35 pm Current Mood: accomplished

ok, this is going to be super quick because im tired and i still have to make my bed because i washed my sheets tonight! :) i love freshly washed sheets :) ok, first of all this weekend went by wayyy too quick man. i cant believe its sunday night already. AND i have class tomorrow on columbus day! thats bogus. oh well, were not in hs anymore i guess. well friday was cool. went to classes and lab. the day went by pretty quick actually. so then i chilled with jayme which was nice. we went to cheddars and just had an awesome time, well i think so anyways. then we went and got her a fish!! yay!! hopefully she will remember to feed this one! haha gotta love her tho. then we went and chilled with joe and chelsea. i missed them too. came home around 930 so i could buy KEITH URBAN tickets!!!! YAY!! Emily and i are totally going to Keith Urban on November 30! I'm so excited. yayness!! total roadtrip with my love :) couldnt get any better than that! then i just chilled at home because my brother and i got into a huge fight about justin. it was horrible but we are better now so that makes me happy. saturday -- did nothing. went to nextel because i couldnt dial out on my phone and it turned out that text messaging has bit me in the ass once again. that and i went over my minutes. well those will both go down. 1. i got 500 text messages so its cheaper and 2. im going to be using both my phones now. my us cellular one and my nextel one. so if you need me, you can call me on either one because im a pimp and thats how i roll! ha! im so gangsta ;) then brittany and i went to the mall and got some super cheap jewelry at icing. im into this funky jewelry and i got some HOT earrings. im so excited they are SO fun. very different and im so excited. yayness. then brittany, stefanie (havent seen her since VS days!), kyle, caitlyn, nic, and some other dude went to see waiting. it was an okay movie. i dont think i would buy it by dane cook is so fine :) then brit and i went back to her house and todd, jimmy, justin, chris, & tyler came over and we watched stand-up comedy and drank beer. good times. wouldnt you know it was the one time that the batteries in my digicam were dead. i was highly upset. jay and i got into an argument because i was at brits. i told him i would leave brits to hang out with him but that didnt work out for some reason or another. whatever. i was super pissed but then brit handed me another beer and it was all good. i forgot about it. until this morning. thing is, i dont even like beer. actually i HATE beer. its so nasty. i suppose i was just pissed off that it didnt matter. oh and we made PB&J and ate them. i felt like we were 10 yayness! we definately had some good times with those boys, they had us crackin up the entire time. came home around 2. today -- didnt do anything all day pretty much. this day has flown by! my grandma was over for the afternoon and just went home awhile ago. it was nice to have her here and to get her out of her house for the day. she cant drive and lives alone so it gets kinda lonely with her sometimes. her, mom and i watched kate and leopold together. it was fun. then my brother, my dad and i went to get my new mattress!! Im so excited to sleep on it! yayness! i finally got my king size matress for my bed. im hoping it will help my back a lot. i layed on it for a lil while when we first took it up to my room and it so comfy! i cant wait to curl up and go to sleep tonight. i dont think i will want to get up tomorrow morning! it felt like heaven. its brand new too! then brad, amy, grandma, ella, blake, mom and dad and i all had dinner together. it was nice to be a family again. we just sat there and talked and talked. it was so nice. ella cracks me up so much. she just sits there in her high chair and babbles on and on like shes singing. shes so cute. makes me want one! i washed my car today. i was going to wax it too but i got too lazy so i think i might do that this week. maybe wednesday when i have off work. i need to clean my dash too. all i did was vacuum, wash and dry it. she looks so pretty :) i need some new cds. i think im going to have chris (emilys brother) make me some this week. i have been thinking a lot lately. about how my life would be different if i went to woodruff instead of richwoods. it makes me wonder. but i wouldnt change a thing if i could go back and do it all over again. i would have missed out on so much. i would have missed out on josh. a wonderful 3 year relationship. even though we had our ups and downs, we still made it through a lot more than what my friends thought we would have. i would have missed out on jayme! an awesome friend and the crazy story of how we met!! emily, i dont think i can find another emily like her out there so that would be a total loss! theres a lot more people that i would have missed and im sure i would have all these things and maybe more if i went to woodruff but i dont regret it. i went to richwoods for a reason and only god knows that reason but maybe i will find out one day. im thinking of asking for more hours at work. i need them so bad. maybe going 25 or 30. i need to get my mom paid off and soon. i dont want that hanging over my head for a long time. i need to pay off my American Eagle bill too and get caught up on everything. so i think im gonna go in a couple more days these next couple weeks and go back to subway for awhile until i get everything caught up. i need the money more than i need the social life. i need to call mary and ask her which store needs me the most. i might do that tomorrow if i have the time. well, i need to get my sheets out of the dryer and make my bed. goodnight kids

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October 5th, 2005

Current Music: rascall flatts - the day before you Subject: one day closer to the weekend Time: 08:52 pm Current Mood: mellow

yes! its almost the weekend and i cant wait. i dont really have anything planned so far. im hoping to hang out with jayme. maybe tomorrow night after work or something. i would really like to get back to goo friends with her. my mom went out with 2 of her friends from work to dinner tonight. she's still gone and its 9:00. ha! she deserves it tho! she needs to spend more time with her friends. she doesnt do for herself as much as she should. she always does for me and my brothers first. havent talked to josh much. i guess we've both been busy. that and the fact that i really havent thought about him much. i know that prolly sounds mean but whatever. when we last talked he brought up where we would be now if we would have stayed together. yep, we would be engaged and planning a wedding. that's so wierd. im actually glad that im not engaged. just because i wouldnt have met some really awesome people if we were still together. i admit, i cant wait to get married and sometimes wish that i was still with josh but then i look back when i was in hawaii and i was so miserable. it's like i had to force myself to forget about josh just so i could have fun. i broke up with him while i was in walmart 5 days before we left to come home. even though it was really hard, those 5 days were prolly the best days of the trip. i dunno why im talking about all this. just what's on my mind i guess. moving on.... i just got off the phone with jay. he wanted me to come over and watch a movie but i declined and NO it's not because i dont want to see you. its just that i dont get paid til next friday and my check was short this last pay period because of me calling in a day. so im on 3/4 a tank and that must last me as long as it can! we also had an awesome conversation. i tried giving him advice but i dont think im very good at giving advice. but i hoped it helped him a little bit. it was so easy to talk to him because we are going through the same thing almost. except my situation is a little easier to deal with because josh is in panama city. but its still really hard for me too. i have my moments where i just lay in bed and cry because i heard a song that we used to sing to each other or i drove past "our spot" but it's getting easier. i really enjoyed my conversation with jay, it was so good. i didnt want to get off the phone. but he wanted to watch a movie so i let him go. haha. i dunno i just feel like we are really getting to know each other. i really like it. maybe its just me tho. i dunno im rambling. justin keeps calling me. he called me once today when i was in american education class and of course i didnt answer it. but then he just called me like 45 minutes ago. i didnt answer. i think im scared. scared that he wants more out of this than i do and i dont know how to put it to him. ill just call amy in a lil bit and see what he wanted. if he wants to hang out this weekend, i have plans. i dunno its just too wierd. so i joined a club today. T.E.A. club at icc. im really excited about it. its the teachers education association club. and we go to these workshops and seminars for education major students. im really excited. we also take college visits and stuff so im super pumped for it. i think it will help a lot. i dont want to work tomorrow. nobody cool is working tomorrow so i have no motivation to go to work. she has me scheduled from 3-7 next saturday and sunday. are you kidding me? thats when i make the most money is on weekends and you are cutting my hours short?! no way! i think im gonna ask her if i can come in @ 10:30 on those days. just to get the extra money and hours. i need them on the checks, believe me. i think she will let me. i dont see why she would have a problem with it. don -- stop asking me when you can come get your sweatshirt. its been in my car for like 3 weeks now so set a date and tell me and you can get it. well i need to go fold my laundry that i just did! i feel like such an adult. doing laundry instead of going out. how wierd. but i kinda like staying home, in my pj's and just chillin. its really nice and i dont do it often enough. later loves

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October 2nd, 2005

Current Music: mom using the hair dryer. Subject: Almost over Time: 10:43 am Current Mood: listless

Yes, the weekend is almost over and I couldn't be happier. don't get me wrong. i love the weekends. well, every other that is. i only work from 3-7 tonight so thats not bad. then i have to come home and study for an algebra exam. it's over 4 sections and i know all of them except one section so i have to do the review problems to get good at them before 11am tomorrow!! justin and i went to the olive garden last night. he's like "hey, you wanna go to the olive garden?" and it was so wierd because i was craving it all day at work. it was so good. i got chicken alfredo and it was super good. and their salad was better than usual. i got to ride in his new car. he has an alero and it's soooo nice! i love it. i told him i'm gonna steal it from him and he's like "well, theres a lot of work to do to it" and i was like okay! ill wait til you get it fixed then ill steal it!! we had a lot of fun tho. i felt like i was out with my brother. he asked me what i was doing after icc and all that. explained my hopes for it and all. i told him i wasn't looking for a relationship or anything and he said that he's not either. so that was really good! he just wants a good friend to go out with once in awhile. i told him i could definately do that. so that made me happy. i dont really want a relationship because im kinda waiting. waiting to see what comes out of jay and me. if nothing, that's fine. i can live with it. if so, then so be it. i do care for him a lot still. and that's not just gonna go away. we shall see. laguna beach tomorrow night. GET HYPE!!! man, i was watching a re-run of it while i was getting ready. i flippin love that show to death. i read jayme's blog entry in her myspace and i was wondering if she was talking about me. i got the feeling that she was. hmm...i dont know what to do about that situation. i miss her alot. i really do. i guess i should call her and ask her to do something but seems like she's always busy. and i know this is childish of me, but she hasnt called me to do something. i IMed her last night and she seemed uninterested i guess you could call it. so i just ended it. it was very awkward and i dont like awkwardness. ill call her after i get off work tonight and see if she has plans. maybe we can watch laguna beach together tomorrow night or something. if she's not too busy with her other friends. so, a new job may be in the works. thanks to amanda. i saw her at olive garden last night. i was so excited! i love that chick. shes a new friend of mine that is in my tues/thurs class, if you didnt already know. and she's flippin awesome!! i love her to death. so i might get to work with her. doing something that i know i would LOVE! only one problem. its quite a long drive to there but we shall see. i don't think it would bother me considering i would absolutely love it. but i dont want to get my hopes up so there.... i cant believe it's already october! how crazy. my daddys birthday is soon and mine is after that yay!! the big 2-0!!! i cant wait til gas goes down. it prolly will now that i filled up last night. thirty four flippin dollars. man, a girl go broke off shit like that. adam and i were havin a blast at work yesterday. i was supposed to work 10:30-7 but crystal called me at 8am and asked me to come in as soon as i can. so i went in at 9:30. it was so easy. i sat there for an hour and 15 minutes and couldn't do anything because of the code orange drill. so i got an extra hour pay on the weekend doing nothing. how sweet is that. :) i bought a new pair of AE jeans. it's my weakness. i love them so much. like i said before. they fit perfectly!! they were on sale. they were $70. but i got them for $40. so i was super excited. im never going to get that credit card payed off. haha! well going to the grocery store with mom. im out

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September 29th, 2005

Current Music: mommy talking Subject: you know how i roll.... Time: 05:25 pm Current Mood: weird

First and foremost.....Happy 2nd Birthday to Ella!! Aunt Meaghan loves you bunches!!! <333 yeah, so what up people? had class from 8-9.15 this morning. it was alright. we do little kid stuff. we had a girl give a presentation again today and then we made little ducklings. melissa, amanda, brandy & i totally had each other laughing during the entire class period. i love those girls. they rock my world. and my childrens literature class. they are pure awesomeness. :) then we had to get into groups for the last part of class but she put us in groups. no fun. i miss my girls. oh well, it's not permanent. after class i ran to kroger to get amy a bouquet of roses for her graduation. saw mama rhonda there and said hi to her. then went and picked up my brother brad. since he hurt his back at work he cant drive his truck cuz it's a stick and it hurts him tremendously. so like an awesome sister, i took him to EP to amy's graduation. saw my ella-poo!! her graduation was super short! saw a couple girls i went to school with there. so that was cool. then i went and picked up grandma. took her to get her hair did then we went to lunch at cheddars. yumm. took grandma to walgreens to pick up a couple things then took her home. came home to grab some stuff to wash the focus :) went to the car wash and seriously spent like an hour and 45 minutes there. it was SO dirty! but now she's all purdy! lookin sexy!! umm...pay day tomorrow....HECK YES! i have so many bills to pay tomorrow. its so depressing. i swear, im never moving out. ive been in a quote mood lately. i dunno. i get that way sometimes. danielle and i are totally goin to the pre-season rivermen game tomorrow. how exciting is that? im super psyched for hockey season! danielle and i have definately set some dates up :) i texted jayme a lil bit last night. we both are at fault for not communicating with each other. i just feel like it's pointless to even ask to do something because i already assume she has made plans with jess or something. i know i was mean to her last night but i didn't know how else to be. happy that i feel like i no longer have my best friend in my life? no. *sigh* i dont know. i hope it changes soon. duuude. i havent played the sims 2 in so long. i just saw the cd-rom for it and it popped into my head. ha! i need to go to walgreens and save some pics to a cd. my memory card for my digicam is SO full. i think i can only take like 4 more pics! ha! yeah that definately needs to change. i miss takin pics of anything AND everything! i dont think i have taken a pic for at least a couple weeks. how sad! my back hurts SO bad. it sucks. sleeping has been no fun at all. i hate it. i cant get comfortable. i cant wait to get my new king size mattress!!! things will be all good then :D mom and i are going over to brads house tonight for cake and ice cream for ella's birthday. how exciting. i dont want to work this weekend. i should get fired and collect unemployment for 3 months. by then i will be bored and get a diff. job. sounds like a good plan to me. im thinking of job shadowing again for a day but this time at a middle school. prolly Von Steuben since i went there and know my way around. im thinking i might want to teach older kids. like 6th grade or so. i dont know. ill prolly set that up soon before i take my basic skills test for teaching. i need to go to the library tonight but i will procrastinate until tomorrow after lab. because thats just like me to procrastinate. i need to pick up my new uniforms for work too, but that will wait til last minute. like always. well, mom is home so i must go acknowledge her. mostly because i love her SO so much. later losers.

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September 27th, 2005

Current Music: save a horse, ride a cowgirl ;) Subject: Get BACK! Time: 07:56 pm Current Mood: hungry

went to class this morning. i love this freakin class so much. well melissa is in it and she is just the freakin bomb! plus we get to so fun stuff. we have these presentationsthat we are supposed to present to the class. it includes reading a book to the class, asking questions, and do 2 activities with them. *they are supposed to be 2nd graders* so today the girl doing the presentation read Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr. Seuss and we made oobleck! it was lots of fun and then for the remaining time we played pictionary with the entire class. ha! i miss being a kid! :( Work today was alright. I only had 10 girls on my floor and 2 of them were liquid diets so that made it easier. I have the next 3 days off. Mainly for Amy's graduation which is on Thursday. But Im glad I have tomorrow off too, there are a lot of things I need to do after class. I need to clean my car, hopefully it wont rain. I need to run to the bank too and go to the mall and there were a couple other things i needed to do but they have escaped my memory at the moment. I talked to Mary the other day. it was so good to talk to her. i miss her tons!! she is still asking me to come back to subway as asst. manager. its a dollar less in pay than i am making now but i was figuring it up at work and i would be making it up in hours. for example i would work til 11, but i dont know if i want to go back to that. especially with a whole new crew and not my normal employees. plus i could be full time work and school. i owe my mom like my life! she once again has helped me out of deep shit. so now i owe my mom like $600.00. yeah thats gonna take forever to pay off especially with only working 20 hours a week so thats why im considering a second job. i dont know tho. i kinda like bein a bum! i talked to ryan tonight and he has a job interview in CO this weekend so I want to wish him good luck! Good luck ryan! I know you'll do great!!! so im starving so im out! later kids <3

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Current Music: Lifehouse - You & Me Subject: How could I forget?!?!?! Time: 07:16 am Current Mood: giggly

So, summer vacation spot was decided on... and the winner is............ ............CABO, MEXICO!!!!!!!! heck yes, laguna beach was there and so emily & i are SO there next summer!! How freakin awesome?!?! it will be good times, most def!

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September 26th, 2005

Current Music: mandy moore - cry Time: 10:34 pm Current Mood: useless

i went to see my grandpa tonight. i havent been out there in a long time. prolly a year or so. i can never bring myself to go out there. after his death, i wasnt strong enough. still to this day i burst into tears when i sit next to his grave. he was just on my mind a lot today and i felt like i should see him. it was still hard. brad cant go out there to this day and has never been out there. me and brad were super close to him. so jay and i broke up. i guess it just wasnt meant to be. i did somethings i shouldnt have and i have learned my lesson. only a lil too late. but everything happens for a reason, right? i was really upset about it because i did care for him a lot. and still do. those feelings arent just going to disappear. but theres nothing to do about it now. its done and over with. i just wish him the best and i want him to be happy. he wants to still be friends and talk. i would love nothing more. i just hope things wont be awkward. only time will tell. so i went over to my brother, brads house tonight. whenever im upset i always go there because i know ella and blake would be the only ones to put a smile on my face and they did. as soon as i walk in the door. i love seeing ella get so excited to see her aunt. makes me feel special. shes so damn cute. i love her to pieces. and blake walked across the entire room to me just to give me kisses! how cute. they had me laughing non stop. i love those kids. they mean the world to me! i talked to amy about what happened. she didnt really have too much to say. she said that her friend justin is still interested in me and wants to take me out on a date. i dunno tho. he doesnt seem like my type. hes definately a country boy. lets just put it that way. i guess he was over there friday night and was asking about me and amy told him i had a bf and blah blah blah. he told amy that he really liked me and thought i was 'totally cute' but i dont know. i dont want to rush into things, again. maybe well go to a movie this weekend or something. i dont know. so i stayed home from class and work today to take care of my mom. i had to take her out to the cancer center which took forever and then we ran like 156456 errands. i love her tho and i would do anything for her. i really need to not take these type of moments with her for granted. im so bad at that. plus i did a lot of things around the house for her. which included 3 loads of laundry, mopping the kitchen and bathroom floor, vacuuming, dishes. it wasnt that bad tho. oh and i made dinner. emily and i went to cold stone tonight. i thought i deserved some damn ice cream and i know emily can always use some. then we went back to her house and watched laguna beach. of course!! so i hope to be hanging out with jayme a lot more. i miss her a lot. along with someone else but i cant let that get me down. it just sucks because once you get used to something, its taken away from me. its like a game that God is playing with. okay, God, you win. Game over.

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September 24th, 2005

Current Music: Fallout Boy - Sugar we're goin down swingin Subject: If you're gangsta, I'm gangsta ;) Time: 06:27 pm Current Mood: bored

So yeah. its saturday night and im bored. im doing laundry and it has to be one of the most boring things to do. just waiting for it to get done. usually my mom does it for me but she has chemo this weekend. so i decided not to even ask her. i know she doesnt feel well. i love american eagle jeans. they are like the only jeans that fit me like perfectly. i love em. i need to buy another pair. when i get my other debts paid. hershey is always outside now and i dont like it. when we got her i orignally didnt want her to go outside at all. i was too scared she wouldnt come back. but she snuck out multiple times and now my dad lets her outside whenever. im to the point now where i know she'll get out anyways so i just let her out too but im so scared for her. for one thing, people drive so fast in our neighborhood. like especially for it being a private neighborhood, people like race through it. and she's so little anyways. i went to the mall with jayme earlier. it was good to hang out with her. i miss her a lot. i feel like im being replaced by jess. and i dont think jess likes me all that much anyways. but oh well, nothin i can do i guess. it was just good to have some alone time with jayme. like old times. jay and i went to see flight plan last night. it was really good but i was so tired! like i wasnt tired at all before that but once i started watching it, i got really sleepy. movies always seem to do that to me. it sucks. i love being with him. he makes me so happy, it's unreal. hes just like me in a lot of ways and we always make each other laugh. i love that. oh and we kissed in the rain last night. i know im a dork. but i always wanted to kiss someone in the rain. and he made that lil dream come true. it was awesome. it was just like the movies. except better. wow. im the luckiest ;) i miss my boyfriend. i need to call amy to see if she will highlights my hair tomorrow. it needs it real bad. i dont have biology class on monday. im so psyched. that means i wont have class til 11. how awesome is that?! pretty effin awesome, if you ask me! plus laguna beach is on monday night! SO excited. its crazy how obsessed i am with that show. but it should be a good episode!! i hope my mom get the 1st season for my birthday for me. she keeps asking what i want and thats all i tell her so she has to, right? my mom and i are going to buy our florida tickets tomorrow! my dad said we should get them now before gas prices go up. I am so excited for this damn trip. i havent seen my aunt since her accident. and im really excited. shes my favorite aunt ever. and after her accident they didnt know if she was going to live or die. im so happy she recovered. i talked to josh today. he's doing good. he asked me if i was going to be home when he was coming home and i told him i wasnt sure because of the florida trip with my mom. he asked me what part and i told him miami. he said its a couple hours away from him but he would like to take me and my mom out to lunch when we are down there. i told him that that wasnt such a great idea. i told him that we are going down there to see my aunt and plus he isnt on my moms favorite person list. he got really quiet. but hey thats what he gets for doin what he did to me. what? he expects everyone to forgive him and give him another chance? no. you got TOO many chances from me. and im finally with someone that makes me happy. not that he didnt but it seemed like we were always arguing about something. maybe i expected too much from him. maybe he didnt try hard enough. whatever. its the past and we have both, well i, have moved on. justin graduated from basic and will be leaving for pensacola tomorrow. im happy for him. we should be fitting and getting our bridesmaids dresses next month or so! im so excited!! i love that dress and i cant wait for the wedding. GUESS WHAT?!!?! my birthday is in a couple months. do you know what you're getting me?! ha! im gonna be OLD like JAY!! haha i love it :) we got out of lab yesterday like 45 minutes early. it was so awesome. i love my lab partner. she is awesome! we just sit there and talk about anything and everything. like we were talking about our boyfriends on friday. its so great! she is one awesome chick!! plus, we make a bad ass team together!! i hate work. i need a new job. im so sick of methodist. im so sick of the childish high school shit that goes on there. and most of all, im SO sick of karen. oh and i was working and adam just comes up out of nowhere and hits my ass with a broom? wtf? learn some respect kid! it was just not a good day thursday. im totally just rambling. and you know whats funny? your still reading it. ha! ok. im done.

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September 21st, 2005

Current Music: Ashanti - baby baby Subject: You HUUUUURRRDDDD me! Time: 05:14 pm Current Mood: hyper

ha! im in this ghetto mood for some reason. it's so random. i love randomness. its so awesome. okay so yeah. classes today were aiiight. i got there early, like i do everyday! have to keep my emily entertained on her break! so i get there around 8.30 today. yeah i was runnin late, it was just one of those mornings where i did NOT wanna get up! plus, being woken up by a person you dont even want to talk to at 6:30 in the damn morning. grrr. its just not cool. so i got to icc and chilled with emily. she was super hungry so we went to grab somethin to eat in the cafeteria then took it back to our "spot" haha. im gonna be sad when it gets really cold and snows cuz then we will have to find another spot inside. :( so we chilled til 8:55 then headed to class. got to bio and took a bunch of notes. whats new? we signed up for this project thing we're doin for the next chapter. we have groups of like 5 or 6 people and then we have to do a presentation. i hate presentations with a HUGE passion. they suck. we got out like 10 minutes early. then went and sat outsides emily's class til she got out of class then i walked her to anatomy cuz im such a sweetheart! so chilled. studying some algebra for my exam and talked to my baby!! emily came and found me after her class was over and we ran into tammi. and tammi took the rest of my drink! you lil whore! haha jk!! i jewed her cuz there wasnt much left anyways! ok *pause* funny moment! so emily and i were walkin to class and her class came before mine so we hugged and when we hug we always kiss each other like on the cheek or whatever so we did like nonchalantly and this dude walkin by was like "DAMN, let me get in the middle of that." we just looked at each other. yeah. then the girl he was walkin with hit him in his stomach. ha. it was that amusing. ok *play* so went to algebra and took my exam. i only took like 10 maybe 15 minutes on it. it was really easy. or seemed that way. i hope i did them right ha! then went to amercian education, watched the rest of the movie from monday about kids, television and violence in schools. then we had a speaker for the last 1/2 hour of class about the school board. so that was school. came home and cleaned my room! how pretty! it actually looks normal now. then talked to my baby baby on his break. :) josh called me this afternoon. i guess just to see how i was. he was at walmart with one of his buddies which is wierd because he never wanted to talk to me around his friends. he said that he was walking into walmart and saw a silver focus like mine and i just popped into his head. very wierd. eh. oh well. whateva. So mom and i went to lunch yesterday before we both went to work. we went to lous. it was so good! they are closing on saturday so i wont have them again until next year. awww how sad! but anyways. mom and i were just sitting there talking and she was like. "you want to go to florida with me?" i was like "Of course!" my aunt in miami wants us to come down this winter and we actually are. after i said yes, her eyes started to fill up with tears. i asked her what was wrong and she said "meg, you know the doctors arent giving me much longer to live. a year, if that. so i want to do things now. i want to do everything we talked about doing but never have" she made me cry so hard! i just sat there and for a minute i didnt know what to say because i knew she was right. but then i told her that only God knows how much longer she has. and even though the doctors are giving her a another year to live, doesnt mean she should live like theres only a year left. i told her that i could go tomorrow. nobody knows. i said a lot more than that but that was the main points of it. then i gave her a big hug and told her how much i loved her. then she made me cry again by saying "meg, i really wanna be at your wedding, your reception, the birth of your babies, i want you to call me once in awhile and ask if i can watch your children cuz your husband wants to take you out on a date. i want to be there for everything" i just smiled and said "you will, mom" it just really scares me when she gets into those moods. i dont know if she is feeling worse or if she senses something bad about to happen or what. it really scares me tho. i really want her there for everything too. and i can only pray that she is. she has chemo this weekend so it will be even more rough. well i need to get back to my homework since Jay insists!! later YO!

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